"When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. Everybody complains about politicians. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. Honestly, I'd lean towards anarchist. ", 15. Theyre not interested in that. "Dont just teach your children to read. Bing sets this cookie to recognize unique web browsers visiting Microsoft sites. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. Nobody seems to care. On June 24, 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a women's constitutional right to an abortion in the country. Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. "You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby . Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. Amazon Pay uses this cookie to maintain a "session" that spans multiple days and beyond reboots. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. "Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. It takes up a lot of your time. ALEX COHEN, host: Carlin died yesterday of heart failure. They are irrelevant. Forget the politicians. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. Thats the problem. They don't want to hear from you . -George Carlin There you are. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. They own and control the corporations. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. ", 8. We havent tried that for a while. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. Its called fucking with people! ", 2. On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' After that, they dont want to know about you. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. No president has done right by us. ", 53. ", 58. It seems only right. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. His entire bit is included in the nearly two-minute video perfectly conjoined with photos of Trump and the results of his administration flood the screen. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. "I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. ", 40. And Bushis pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. - George Carlin. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. You caused the problem. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. "People are fucking nuts. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. Whats that, a bonus? They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. And they all vote. ", 116. He is famous for being named the 'The Dean of Counterculture Comedians.' His dark humor penetrates different issues of life, religion, language, and class. (LogOut/ We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. JIM STAFFORD. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. ", 21. ", 37. ", 41. ", 91. "It helps to remember this.. He was 71 years old. ", 54. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. Lobbying, to get what they want. ", 42. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. George Carlin gives him the finger from the grave. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. And nobody seems to notice. The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. I'm your huckleberry. You have owners. "So, have a little fun. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. His beliefs in fairness and equality in. This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. This cookie is set by Prebid Server. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' They want obedient workers. You dont have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. They own everything.. Which doesn't make any sense at all. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? Change). Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. George Carlin. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. ", 25. Its you. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. The people are f**ked. LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? ", 50. "My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' Nothing changed. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. ", 106. ", 83. LinkedIn sets this cookie from LinkedIn share buttons and ad tags to recognize browser ID. Hatred/ bias against opposition: Have you noticed that nearly every time, Mr. Trump is questioned, or feels accused, etc, he replies by bringing up his less - than - popular former political opponent, Hillary Clinton, and repeats claims which have been refuted and disputed, numerous times, but his core followers, continue to accept? I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. "It's called the American dream . Enter your email address to follow Motley News. ", 6. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. "Don't give your money to the church. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. [] I look at war a little bit differently. ", 16. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. "Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. Thats against their interests. A cat's "meow" can be a "woof" for him. You have owners. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. At all. Weve added years to life, not life to years. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Germany lost the Second World War. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. ", 109. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. Believe me, my friend. Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. Issued by Microsoft's ASP.NET Application, this cookie stores session data during a user's website visit. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. They never mention that part to us, do they? It was during the waning of the Nixon years, where confidence in government was beginning its slide down to the Stygian depths where it rests today; the Vietnam War, and racial unrest, continued to rage on. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. They dont fall out of the sky. Carlin did this better than anyone else. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. They OWN YOU. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . This cookie expires after 30 minutes but the timer is reset if the visitor visits a new page on the site before the cookie expires. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Simple thing. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. "Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. This cookie is used for advertising, site analytics, and other operations. 3. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. F*ck Hope. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. '", 73. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. As politicians and social media commentators weighed in on . The __qca cookie is associated with Quantcast. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? ", 19. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. ", 55. ", 107. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. Take George Carlin, for example. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. It will not be with jack-boots. of American cultural paradoxes.. Carlin was known for keeping things real, and his funny jokes were sure to get a laugh out of anyone. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. ", 17. "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? And complaining about the politicians. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. The GUC cookie is set by Yahoo for Yahoo conversion tracking. Don't miss a beat. Trouble is, most of them suck. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. That's the problem. "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? By programmers in one hour. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. 123 Rocky_Roku 1 yr. ago Didn't he say that he despised liberalism just as much as conservatism? Board Messages . They will do anything for the unborn. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. ", 118. ", 26. They own all the important land. They're all in favor of the unborn. Well what if I don't want to? ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. ", 18. ", 28. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. ", 98. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Going after racists, sexists, fascists, and aiming to bring those who try to restrict freedom to justice. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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