You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. They have cheated on us with themselves and their selfishness! Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? Wake up. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? At least between us. My husband has showed be very no closen in for years. One of the scariest reasons your wife wont have sex with you may be that she has feelings or is being intimate with someone else. Period!!! I dont look my age at all! I retired early to get Medicare and redusece medical expenses. What to do about it: Using lube can help immensely with vaginal dryness and pain, and including more clitoral stimulation and sex toys can help make sure sexual experiences continue to be pleasurable for your wife. Wife doesn't want me to touch her breasts | Talk About Marriage What r u holding on for?! Having a regular marriage check-in can help you keep an eye on your relationship and ensure you are satisfied with how much time you spend together in the bedroom. Now whats so hard about that. Would you prefer I see prostitutes or have a girlfriend on the side to take care of my needs? Think of the biblical verse Ecclesiastes 3. I would suggest you try these because they will increase your natural produce of testosterone without the side effects you mention. It isnt. We havent had sex in months. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? 330 Comments */ But it also means were in a status quo that just isnt satisfying. Got lost there. I love him more than the day we were married many many years ago. All through this past Covid year, only one time did she come forward an say I need a hug. Then we got married and had kids (not that I regret) but 20 years of pulling teeth juts to get touched or even desired really hurts. If you are not. Ive lived through a sexless marriage myself. I love her to death, but Im sick of the constant rejection. Quick and fast is also good. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. We received a relationship query from a man who wanted to spice things up with his wife of 29 years, but was struggling to make headway because of the spouses inhibitions. Have affairs and visit escorts. It will only create more distance between you. My wife will listen to my concerns about sex, but will not take hormone supplementation because of the science which indicates it can cause cancer in rare cases. I spoil her all the time. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. Doing some bootie grabbing or not being a standing up participant?!? Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. Hes my best friend, the love of my life, an amazing Dad, my confidant and my everything. He is either not attracted to you, depressed, or preoccupied. Yeah, wrinkles and less hair (me), but sex is as good as ever! Try to keep things fun and adventurous between the sheets so that your wife is unable to resist you. Please go find someone else to enjoy sex with if you can. And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. Research shows that sexual communication was. My 76 year old husband has not. That you are incapable or unwilling to engage in a relationship with a woman as an equal says a lot more about you than it does about marriage. I say I know exactly what youre taking about because my wife has had four back surgeries and we have sex RARELY! Share the moments and activities she loves and see how your desirability shoots for the clouds. Yet even in my early 60s I have stronger desire than my partner does. I see my friend for an outing about 2X/month. This really sucks. His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships. Truthfully, the solo routine is rather old. She would be lost. As well as almost no feeling there as well. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. What does it mean when your wife doesn't show affection? Make your own porn and watch that. I just go to AA now instead (I drank too much for 10 years because of no sex) & have great old fashioned men friends and conversations of good life practices. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. Who gets up and takes card of them? Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. However if these women get divorced they have a sexual oasis spring up again between their legs because they need to find a new nest. She has absolutely no interest in it. This put stress on things as did a lack of acceptance from my mother, to my Wife, until she died at 97. I like cuddling. Were just a hole for your pole . If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. may have led to years of unsatisfying sex, and the longer youre together, the more nervous she may be to bring it up. We could be spontaneous. After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. Im 63, sexless for many years, and your essay really hit home. Weve been married almost 40 years and neither of us had any sex partners before we met. Its like he just doesnt think about it ever. Sorry Mate. Nothing arouses it. Its worth discussing with your doctor. If you're feeling rejected sexually, spice up your appearance. The reasons behind why a wife avoids physical contact can range from marital discord to just being burned out, says Gopa. What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood? I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. I have both physical and emotional desires that seem to be building resentment towards him. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. Will: I was very disturbed to read your post. Just had to compliment you on what you are doing for your husband, and I agree that sex makes you feel young again, and believe when you say that your whole body feels like youre in your 20s again. A woman may lose interest in sex, even in a happy marriage, if the sex does not bring her sexual pleasure. Welcome to, IMO, male divine right. It is indeed like forcing down a tasteless meal for someone elses sake. It literally changed our lives. 5. You were something OTHER. "Not everyone needs emotional connection for sex to be great, but in long-term relationships, the lack of connection can be a huge factor in a person's desire to have sex with their partner," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., writes at mbg. Either her body and hormones are so off that she needs the support of . Then it was just plain no, Im not sexually turned in. I have tried to have a heartfelt conversation but he is not willing to talk about it. Once you cross into the no sex zone there is NO going back. I worked my butt of the keep a sexless marriage away. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. Nothing has changed. Frankly, Im ready for a change of scene because this is like living with someone who it seems might be happier living off by himself. My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. I was disabled when she met me, so Im it cant be because of money. Suggest to her that she will have control of the situation. Touch Deprivation: How No Affection Affects Your - YourTango Porn is the no. I think the resolve here is to tell the parent who is confiding in you to seek professional help, and then bud out. Marriage vows are till death do you part. I think my wife [67] realises that with my having ED she no longer has any potential competition so isnt obliged to have sex because I wont be strayingand I dont want her to feel obliged,thats as bad as no sex,so the answer, literally, is in my own hands, my husband has done too many drugs and cant get it up its been six years i need sex. Now that I am 62 years old I can say his description of what happens is spot on. My wife and me have been married 9 1/2 years and entered a phas of no sex about 6 months ago. Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. So.. There is one other medical condition relating to touch called allodynia. Hes no longer a sexy looking man, doesnt care about trying to make himself better, I still fight to try to look really good, no matter how I feel. I quit sex because I didnt want to put with name calling and her being boring. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? So therapy would be out of the question, and shed never think about going on anything like low dose hormone therapy. But I still love my wife dearly and have no desire to cheat on her. He masterbates quite often and I have come home to find him watching porn on the couch and masterbating. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. How to deal with erectile dysfunction in a marriage - Medical News Today Peace. He had at least 9 different jobs, years of unemployment with me working overtime 12 hrs night shifts (RN here). Thats a depressing thought too. It could mean that your wife is experiencing changes in her mental health or there is an unresolved issue in your relationship. No sex 7 years!!! Yeah, maybe not, eh . It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. My wife avoids intimacy a vast majority of married men live with this nagging feeling, sometimes for years on end. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. How is she even going to want to have a relationship?. Im guessing because you are complaining that your 59 year old husband is fat, lazy, snores and is demanding is the reason you dont have sex anymore? Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand in hand. If given the opportunity I would be all over inside and outside the house, flirting and not taking my hand off that booty. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. She is my sister as far as Im concerned not my lover and I dont know what to do. It will never balance out. Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. Ive always wanted sex more than she has, though the first years were pretty satisfying for both of us. The man in solitary pleasure can flavour his immediate physical sensation with the remembrance of shared pleasures, whereas the woman in giving but taking no pleasure in sex finds her memories of shared pleasure to be sullied. I would love to be greeted with a smile, a cuddle a thoughtful touch but nothing. You're correct about that. The wife was boring and I had to follow so many rules and regulations when it came to sleeping and sex together. While men often connect to their wives through physical intimacy, a wife needs a mix of physical arousal and emotional intimacy to feel connected to her partner. Ive no where to go. We cant really talk about it because the very subject causes her great depression because she feels like its all her fault and that she is failure as a lover. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. If he wont go, go on your own to express your feelings fully and evaluate whether you want to be in this marriage and, if so, what can be done to improve it. I dont masturbate much because I would prefer to be with her. only issue. He will once in a while hold my hand for about a minute and always gives me a peck on the check before he goes to bed. My avocation has been fitness for over 50 years and I love the field. We werent intimate back then, and a quirk of fate brought us together recently. . Its a shame when a marriage reaches this point because so much of both people were invested in it at the beginning and for quite a while. Follow us at: This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. I still love my wife dearly and I am committed to her but I have to take care of myself. I have been married since 1983. Period. It in no way makes it reasonable or responsible to simply do nothing about it If youre in a relationship, and you just throw your hands up and say, Oh, sorry about your luck honey, but were just going to carve the physical intimacy out of our relationship, and pretend it doesnt matter, then YOU, my friend, are a cruel and selfish asshole. If your wife avoids intimacy constantly, paying attention to the emotional bond you share with her may be a good starting point. When a woman looses her ovaries and/or had a hysterectomy the sex drive goes. I work full time, do personal training after that, and run a business. Drugs and orgasm. When hes not writing or advising people on how to thrive in their relationships, he loves exploring new places with his partner, working out, and pretending that hes good at cooking exotic stuff. Good luck. The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. When we DO have intimacy, it usually comprises me masturbating until she finishes me with her mouth (which she still likes to do) and her using one of those power vibrators that sound like a jackhammer to get herself off. Wish she would just say so. well she decided we will not have sex, and to top it off, she has panic if she touches me and me touching her. To you guys in a sexless marriage for years, and she wont even talk to you about it? Many of these comments are a breath of fresh air. I Don't Want To Touch My Husband Anymore (What Could Be Wrong?) This seems to be the one thing that cannot change (no medical conditions preventing sex). Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. He is ten years older. a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. Its the only wu to turn this round. I NEED an active partner. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. 7 years no sex!!! If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for, Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions, Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves, reported higher levels of intimate encounters, 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life, This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are, to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. Take care. That old saying use or loose it.. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Hope now your problem will be solved. She apologies oh well. Im basically living a lie until the time is right for us to part ways. The only relief that I get from my pain is physical pleasure. this.page.identifier = PAGE_IDENTIFIER; Should I let him go elsewhere? Be caring. BIG ZERO, NADA FOR 18 MONTHS NOW! I read these comments and feel for all of you, especially the men who I share with of which I have similar experiences. Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. It got to the point that he wanted sex badly and was about to lose his mind. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. Its time to change your strategy. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. It is equally open to the man to be charitable by eating alone. Hell go out and get what you can as long as its safe and mutually desired. If your wife doesnt feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. Mostly sexless for ten years and when I talk to her she just says, Im not attracted to you anymore, so get a girlfriend. My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. You begin to see the problem. So she still has a spark of sexiness ..but wants the womanizer. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. Sex is supposed to be for the mutual benefit of both partners, not one person using the other. so that leaves to so totally frustrated angry resentful and I hate to say it but it is beginning to I think turn to I hate her. Once menopause hit her desire for sex evaporated. Thank you, Harry. Honor us with attention and physical contact. Its maddening! When women say that theyre exhausted, men can often take it as a personal rejection without realizing that she woke up at 5 a.m. Im in ok shape, not overweight . With out being rude . Of course mine wont go to a therapist no matter what so apparently the problem will persist. If the sex is all about you, its no surprise that your partner may not want to indulge in it. aids that i bought. Its easy to see why such discord will eventually manifest itself in the bedroom. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. What to do about it: Make time to emotionally connect with each other and rekindle your soul connection. Another reason "my wife never initiates physical contact" may be due to hormonal changes. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. Semi handsome for an old guy. I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. Empathy builds into emotional intimacy, and often this is what she needs first before opening up to something physical. That killed it for me. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Really connect. But it will quickly fade again once their needs are met. Its super annoying if he touches my breasts because I get aroused and then we just cant get it going and then so much unanswered frustration comes. My wife avoids spending time with me. If this is a real concern for you then ask yourself was there ever any infidelity or cheating on your part?
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